What makes for a beautiful, compelling life? What characterizes and cultivates such a life? “Rhythms of Renewal” is a program designed to help us grow in the virtues that characterize a beautiful and compelling human life by helping us engage in practices that cultivate such a life. This week, as we enter the Advent season, we will seek to grow in the virtue of Patience by engaging the practice of Waiting.
Patience is a virtue most of us want to possess in greater measure, though few of us can honestly say that we would relish the opportunity to exercise it more often. Patience involves our endurance of discomfort, which is why patience is such a difficult virtue to cultivate in our cultural moment - because so much of our instant-access, fast-paced, non-stop culture is oriented toward avoiding discomfort and appeasing our impatience. Thus, we might say that patience is an especially counter-cultural virtue for us in the 21st-century Western world. We are a people who become agitated when we are stuck in traffic or waiting in line, even for a short time. We get frustrated when our computers freeze for three seconds, our streaming video is slow to load, our smartphones take too long to connect to the network, or our grocery delivery service can’t accommodate same-day service - all processes that didn’t exist or took ten times longer only a few years ago. Philosopher James K. A. Smith describes this phenomenon as our being continually formed by the “incessant 24/7-ness of our frenetic commercial culture.”[1] When we take an honest look at our habits, attitudes, spending patterns, and stress levels, most of us have to admit that we value convenience, immediacy, and instant gratification more than we value patience.
While patience is perhaps not the most glamorous virtue, it may be one of the most important. According to historian Alan Krieder, patience was similarly counter-cultural in the Greco-Roman world of the early Church, yet it was the first virtue to get its own theological treatise (and it got three in those earliest centuries). Ancient Christian writers “called patience the ‘highest virtue,’ ‘the greatest of all virtues,’ and the virtue that was ‘peculiarly Christian.’ The Christians believed that God is patient and that Jesus visibly embodied patience. And they concluded that they, trusting in God, should be patient - not controlling events, not anxious or in a hurry, and never using force to achieve their ends.”[2] St. Augustine of Hippo further developed a Christian theology of patience by discerning between a true (or just) patience, whose motivation is rooted in God’s love, and a false (or unjust) patience which is motivated by the self-assurance of the proud. Summarizing Augustine’s theology of “just patience,” Krieger observes that “patience, for all its beauty, has its limits; it must never stand in the way of actions that love deems necessary.”[3]
Krieder argues that this virtue of “just patience,” and the early Christian practices and habits that sought to embody patience counter-culturally, were far more integral to the improbable spread of Christianity in the ancient world than were any missionary endeavors or strategies for church growth.[4] Perhaps, as we reflect on our own desire to grow in “just patience” this week, we would be wise to consider how our growth in patience might benefit not only ourselves (and those with whom we tend to become impatient) but also our community, neighbors, and the wider world.
Waiting is a spiritual practice that cultivates patience. What makes waiting a spiritual practice? Isn’t waiting something that usually happens to us, rather than something we choose to do? Well, yes and no. The spiritual discipline of waiting is about how we relate to time, the events of our lives, and our demand to be in control - and, most fundamentally, how we relate to God in the midst of our waiting. We may be passive or active in creating the contexts in which we wait (e.g. passive: finding ourselves stuck in traffic; active: choosing to fast from something good for a season), but what makes waiting a spiritual practice is less about how it begins and more about how we actively engage the season of waiting that unfolds from there. The spiritual practice of waiting involves our consent to receive the time we are given (God’s time) instead of striving to master time as if it belonged to us, our surrendering the demand to be in control of the timeline and results, our welcoming the waiting process as a gift from God, and our openness to God’s presence and purpose in the in-between time in which we wait.
In Liturgy of the Ordinary, Tish Harrison Warren describes beautifully the spiritual practice of waiting as she tells the story of her interaction with Jan, her friend who is both an artist and a survivor of recurring bouts with cancer:
Her home is filled with paintings, and one day as I walked in I was drawn to one in particular. It was abstract, luminous, and intricately textured, and there was a keyhole etched on the canvas. Standing before it, I felt like I was standing before an unearthly, mysterious door. I turned to Jan and said, “I want to see what’s on the other side of the door.” She smiled and said, “Good. That’s exactly how I wanted you to feel.” The painting is called “The Gift.” She’d painted it during a time when she was struggling to remain faithful as she waited and waited and waited. She explained that she wanted the viewer to have that stretching sense of waiting, of not being able to glimpse what was on the other side, suspended in a posture of expectation and uncertainty. She looked at me and said, “I always felt like I was waiting for the gift. But I’ve come to see that the waiting is the gift.”[5]
In the Scriptures, we see that Jesus exemplifies the virtue of patience and the practice of waiting. Third-century theologian Origen described Jesus as “patience itself,” the exemplar and embodiment of the virtue.[6] The Gospels portray Jesus as one who both taught patience (e.g. Matthew 13:24-43: Jesus’ parable of the “wheat and the weeds” in which the weeds are allowed to grow up alongside the wheat until harvest time) and lived patiently (e.g. Matthew 4:1-11: as he endured temptation; Matthew 15-16: as he persevered with slow and faithless disciples; Matthew 26-27: as he was betrayed, suffered, and died). The New Testament scriptures describe patience as an aspect of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), a quality of love (1 Corinthians 13:4), and a trait that the apostles desire to see among all of Christ’s followers (Romans 12:12, Ephesians 4:2).
1. REFLECT. Consider these questions on your own or with a small group:
Why do you think waiting is a practice that cultivates patience? Why is waiting hard?
When do tend to be most impatient? Why do you think that is?
Who in your life do you think of as especially patient? What effect does this person have on you and others?
In your own experience, how have you observed the season of Advent as a time of waiting and preparation? What plans do you have for this Advent?
What does the practice of waiting have to do with trusting God?
What might make the practice of waiting difficult or even scary?
2. UNMASK THE CORE LIE. One obstacle to our practice of waiting and growth in patience is our believing the lie: “Time is mine to possess and control; I must master time to be okay.” Tish Warren helpfully describes her own experience of this: “I live in an instant world where I like to think of myself as the captain of the clock. I live with the illusion that time - my time at least - is something I control…. Of course, if I knew how long I have left to live, if the length of my remaining days or those of someone close to me could be counted in weeks, I’d understand that time is not in my control. Or if I lived without the luxury of electricity, time would more obviously call the shots. But in my life, time is most often something I seek to manage, or something I resent - something it seems, that I never have enough of. In my frenetic life, I forget how to slow down and wait.”[7]
Read the anti-Psalm[6] below as a way to reflect on this.
Anti-Psalm 130
I don’t have time to pray -
too much to do.
There aren’t enough hours in the day.
If I don’t take care of all of this, who will?
Seriously - who has time to pray?
And who has time to do everything “the right way”?
I’m not a sinner; I’m a pragmatist.
I do what I need to do to get the job done.
I think anyone who has had much success at anything
would tell you the same thing.
Give credit where credit is due, I say.
I’ve earned what I have,
and I’m proud of my achievements.
Okay sure, I’m also ashamed of my failures to achieve.
I regret my wasted time,
the opportunities I let pass,
the windows that have already closed.
Here’s what I know - waiting gets you nothing.
Waiting is another word for laziness.
Waiting is another word for missed opportunity.
Waiting is another word for stubborn idealism.
Happiness is for those who go get it -
for those who win the day, close the deal,
strike while the iron is hot.
This is my time, and I’m going to make the most of it.
My work time is mine.
My “me time” is mine.
My vacation time is mine.
My youth is mine.
My retirement is mine.
The good life goes to the one who masters their time.
I have my 5-year plan and my 10-year plan.
I have my benchmarks, and I have to keep pace.
My hope is in the future I have dreamed up for myself.
My hope is in my ability to achieve it.
My fear, of course, is that I’ll fail.
But that’s true of everyone, right?
Redeem the time - that’s the key to life.
Become curious about your believing the core lie. Where in your life do you notice yourself believing the lie: “Time is mine to possess and control; I must master time to be okay.” If that doesn’t feel like your core lie, what do you think it might be? Ask the Spirit to give you wisdom.
Become curious about your believing the core lie. What do you feel when you are believing this? What thoughts or behaviors accompany or follow this belief?
3. REMEMBER THE CORE TRUTH. Time belongs to God. All the time you have is a gift from God. You cannot control time, but you were never meant to. God numbers your days and establishes the work of your hands. God loves you and keeps your life. God has promised to bring the fullness of his kingdom in his timing, and he calls you to trust him with your life and to watch and wait for him. The one who calls you is faithful.
Psalm 130
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my supplications!
If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with you,
so that you may be revered.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than those who watch for the morning,
more than those who watch for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is great power to redeem.
It is he who will redeem Israel from all its iniquities.
Become curious about believing the core truth. What do you feel when you are believing the truth instead of the lie? What thoughts or behaviors accompany or follow this belief?
4. FOOD FOR INSPIRATION & IMITATION. Look at how Jesus exemplifies patience in waiting in his teaching (Matthew 13:24-30) and in his life (Matthew 4:4-11).
Matthew 13:24-30
He put before them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field; but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and then went away. So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well. And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?’ He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The slaves said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he replied, ‘No; for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them. Let both of them grow together until the harvest; and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.’”
Matthew 4:1-11
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, ‘One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; and he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! for it is written, ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.’” Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.
5. GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS. Consider these questions with your Community Group or Triad.
When you think about becoming the person you long to be, what do the virtue of patience and the practice of waiting have to do with your becoming that person?
When you think about the situations in which you are waiting and longing right now, which one is the hardest for you to surrender to God’s timing? What is the cost or risk of trusting God with the timing and outcome?
How do you think cultivating patience through waiting might help you become a better friend, neighbor, family member, ally, spouse, parent, roommate, or co-worker? How might the concept of “just patience” described above help you reflect more deeply on this question?
What do you find inspiring about Jesus’ life of patience and waiting? What’s one way you can imitate Jesus’ intentional waiting this week?
In light of this conversation, where in your life do you need God’s help right now?
Group Exercise: Waiting Together
Share with one another your own current experiences of waiting. What are you waiting for? What does it feel like to wait? Pray for one another, and make a plan for how to stay in communication with one another about these particular things.
Choose an intentional way to engage a practice of waiting together as a family or community group. Perhaps, choose to practice an Advent fast (from a particular food, drink, dessert, social media, etc.), and allow the practice to enrich your waiting for Christmas and preparing for Christ’s return.
6. MICROPRACTICES FOR THE WEEK.
“Arrow Prayers” — We’ll offer some of these each week. The title comes from Sally Lloyd Jones, whose “Jesus Storybook Bible” many of us have loved and used. The idea is that prayer doesn’t have to be complex to be meaningful and real. Here are some “arrow prayers” for this week’s practice:
God, I wait for you more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Father, give me patience and peace in your presence.
May the Lord, when he comes, find me watching and waiting.
Jesus, make me ready for your coming in glory.
Jesus, be with me in my waiting.
Habit Stacking — Habit-stacking is the practice of adding a new habit onto something you already do habitually (e.g. brushing your teeth, doing the dishes, or walking to work), a term we learned from James Clear, Atomic Habits. Some ideas:
If you find yourself stuck in traffic or standing in line this week, practice turning that undesired waiting time into an intentional spiritual practice. Rather than resenting the time, receive it as an unexpected gift. Rather than seeing it as an obstacle to what you need to do, receive it as an opportunity to welcome God, along with God’s agenda and timing, into your day.
At the dinner table, use the daily reflection questions from the “Advent at Home 2020” prayer book to guide your reflection or discussion.
At the dinner table, use an Advent wreath to turn meal time into a spiritual practice of waiting. As we wait for Christmas, so we wait for Christ’s return.
Micro-Practices of Prayer in Community & Mission
Fasting can be one way of engaging the spiritual practice of waiting. When we fast, we intentionally delay satisfaction in order to help us assume a posture of waiting. Consider fasting from something (a particular food or drink, social media, etc.) for the day or for the Advent season.
Observing the Advent season is a way of engaging the spiritual practice of waiting. When we follow “liturgical time,” we allow the story of Christ - and not just the academic calendar, fiscal year, and holiday retail sales - to shape our yearly rhythms. Use an Advent wreath or the “Advent at Home 2020” prayer guide to help you observe the season.
This Advent season, reach out to your neighbors who are also staying home. Ask them how they are doing, and listen to their longings. How can you offer support and care for your neighbors?
Sources Cited
[1] Desiring the Kingdom: Worship, Worldview, and Cultural Formation (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2009), 200.
[2] Alan Krieder, The Patient Ferment of the Early Church: The Improbable Rise of Christianity in the Roman Empire (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2016), 1-2.
[3] The Patient Ferment of the Church, 282.
[4] The Patient Ferment of the Church, 73-90.
[5] Liturgy of the Ordinary: Sacred Practices in Everyday Life (Downers Grove: Ill.: IVP, 2016), 110-11.
[6] Origen, Hom. Jer. 17.4.2, trans. J. C. Smith, FC 97 (1998), 183. Cited in Krieder, The Patient Ferment of the Early Church, 18.
[7] Liturgy of the Ordinary, 103.
[8] We got the “anti-Psalm” idea from Dr. David Powlison, “Anti-Psalm 23,” which we use as a model for exploring the Psalms devotionally as windows into both our own hearts and the mercy of God.
Sign up here to receive these weekly reflections via email (sent weekly on Sunday mornings).