What makes for a beautiful, compelling life? What characterizes and cultivates such a life? “Rhythms of Renewal” is a program designed to help us grow in the virtues that characterize a beautiful and compelling human life by helping us engage in practices that cultivate such a life. This week, we will seek to grow in the virtue of Love by engaging the practice of Hospitality.
The virtue of Love is about so much more than feelings of affection. Love is a reflection of God’s own character and purpose for creating the world. The Scriptures teach us that “God is love” (1 John 4:8) and further describe that love in terms of God’s relational faithfulness (Hebrew: hesed) and selfless, unconditional care and delight (Greek: agapē). Jesus says that discipleship is most basically about loving God and neighbor (Matthew 22:37-40), instructs his followers to love one another as he has loved them (John 13:34), and teaches by word and example that love involves self-sacrifice for the good of others - “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Because God has loved (and loves) us this way in Christ, we are both freed and called to love others; “we love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
Rowan Williams describes love in these terms - “Love: an expression of the freedom to receive. Love: that which drives us to take time and to let go of anxiety. Love: that which permits us to be enriched and to be ‘given to’, made alive, to be breathed into. Not a passive thing, as some of those images might suggest, but a state of openness to joy. Love: not simply as doing good but as a deep contemplative regard for the world, for humanity in general and for human beings in particular, and for God.”
Hospitality is a practice that cultivates love because it involves opening our lives to others in a manner that integrates respect and care. While the word “hospitality” might cause us first to think about entertaining friends at a dinner party or enjoying amenities at a hotel, the spiritual practice of hospitality is about much more than that. Hospitality, as a Christian practice, is about sharing life with others in real and concrete ways - not only with our friends and those who fit easily into our lives, but also with strangers and those who only fit into our lives if we make room for them. Hospitality is about seeing and receiving others, affirming their dignity, and welcoming them into relationship and community, even when that requires sacrifice on our part.
Christine Pohl writes, “For most of the history of the church, hospitality was understood to encompass physical, social, and spiritual dimensions of human existence and relationships. It meant response to the physical needs of strangers for food, shelter, and protection, but also a recognition of their worth and common humanity…. Hospitality, because it was such a fundamental human practice, always included family, friends, and influential contacts. The distinctive Christian contribution was the emphasis on including the poor and neediest, the ones who could not return the favor.” Henri Nowen states, “If there is any concept worth restoring to its original depth and evocative potential, it is the concept of hospitality.”
1. REFLECT. Consider these questions on your own or with a small group:
How have you experienced hospitality in your own life?
Why do you think hospitality is a practice that cultivates love?
What are some challenges or limits that make hospitality difficult?
How does the practice of hospitality go against the grain of our normal patterns of socializing and sharing life?
2. UNMASK THE CORE LIE. Recognize the power of a core (double-edged) lie we often believe: “I belong to no one, and my neighbor does not belong to me.”
One of the biggest obstacles to our practice of hospitality has to do with our own sense of belonging. When we lose sight of the fact that we belong to God and to one another, we begin to function as autonomous beings in the world - on our own to make a life for ourselves according to our own desires, ambitions, and abilities. In other words, we begin to live in self-serving (directing, protecting, promoting, soothing) ways that are primarily oriented toward our own interests, and the needs of others then begin to look like “not my problem” (to the extent that we even notice them at all).
When I believe that you don’t belong to me (or I to you) in any meaningful sense, then I begin to relate to you transactionally if I think you can benefit me, adversarially if I think you are threatening me somehow, or dismissively if I perceive you as not worth my time and attention. Of course, this way of using, combatting, or rejecting others is the opposite of love and the great obstacle to hospitality, which is all about receiving one another as a gift and sharing our lives non-transactionally and self-sacrificially.
Read the anti-Psalm below as a way to reflect on this.
Anti-Psalm 133
How unpleasant it isto have to make adjustments
to accommodate others
so we can share the same space.
It’s not like we are family or anything;
we don’t belong to one another.
I’m not your keeper,
and you aren’t mine.
I belong to no one but myself -
and to those with whom I freely choose to associate,
but that’s my choice,
and I retain the right to change my mind
and opt out at any time.
If unity doesn’t come easily,
it’s not worth the work.
Sharing life is just too difficult to be worth it.
Opening myself to you
means opening myself to pain (or at least inconvenience).
Opening my home to you
means fewer leftovers to eat and more dishes to clean.
There’s nothing really to be gained from
yielding to someone else,
sacrificing my own preferences,
sharing what I have,
or considering another point of view.
There’s definitely nothing refreshing or rejuvenating
about staying together and working through differences.
Unfriend, unfollow, and move on.
I choose the “cancel culture” way of maintaining a uniformity that costs me little
instead of practicing costly hospitality in the pursuit of unity.
Discomfort and disagreement are intolerable;
divorce is better.
Our human relationships have nothing to do
with our relationship with God.
I don’t need the community of God’s people
to experience God’s blessing.
In fact, these people are more a hindrance than a help
in my pursuit of the good life.
Life is too short to waste time and energy on them.
They’re dead to me.
Notice the core lie at work in your life. Where in your life do you notice yourself believing the double-edged lie: “I belong to no one, and my neighbor does not belong to me?” If that doesn’t feel like your core lie, what do you think it might be? Ask the Spirit to give you wisdom.
Become curious about your believing the core lie. What do you feel when you are believing this? What thoughts or behaviors accompany or follow this belief?
3. REMEMBER THE CORE TRUTH. You belong to God and to God’s family - both the creation family (humanity) of all God’s image-bearers in the world and the covenant family (the church) of those who, by faith and baptism in Christ, are set apart by God to share God’s love and blessing with the world. You are God’s beloved, and so is your neighbor. We belong to God and one another, and God gives us to one another as gifts to be received, honored, and cherished. In receiving and serving one another, we receive and serve God, and we participate with God in recognizing, welcoming, and blessing God’s beloved.
Psalm 133
How very good and pleasant it is
when kindred live together in unity!
It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down upon the beard, on the beard of Aaron,
running down over the collar of his robes.
It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion.
For there the Lord ordained his blessing,
life forevermore.
Become curious about believing the core truth. What do you feel when you are believing the truth instead of the lie? What thoughts or behaviors accompany or follow this belief?
4. FOOD FOR INSPIRATION & IMITATION. See how Jesus explains the connection between hospitality and love in Matthew 25:34-40 and exemplifies both in Luke 15:1-7:
Matthew 25:34-40
Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’
Luke 15:1-7
Now all the tax collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to him.And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling and saying, “This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.” So he told them this parable: “Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the one that is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders and rejoices. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.
5. GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS. Consider these questions with your Community Group or Triad.
When you think about becoming the person you long to be, what do the virtue of love and the practice of hospitality have to do with your becoming that person?
How do you think practicing hospitality might help you become a better friend, neighbor, family member, ally, spouse, parent, roommate, or co-worker?
What are some barriers or challenges that hinder this community’s practice of hospitality? What is one, concrete thing we can do to overcome one of these in order to become more hospitable?
What do you find inspiring about Jesus’ life of hospitality and love, and what’s one way that you can imitate Jesus’s practice of hospitality in your own life this week?
Hospitality is one practice that is uniquely hindered (or at least reshaped) by the COVID-19 pandemic. What are some ways we can reimagine hospitality and creatively practice it even now?
Think about how practicing hospitality might reshape the way you engage political discussions. How can you become more hospitable toward others who disagree with you? How can you become more hospitable toward those who may need your advocacy?
In light of this conversation, where in your life do you (or we) need God’s help right now?
Group exercise: Take a moment to notice how someone in your group (or the group as a whole) has consciously made room for you. Give thanks to God, and send an encouraging message to your group.
6. MICROPRACTICES FOR THE WEEK.
“Arrow Prayers” — We’ll offer some of these each week. The title comes from Sally Lloyd Jones, whose “Jesus Storybook Bible” many of us have loved and used. The idea is that prayer doesn’t have to be complex to be meaningful and real. Here are some “arrow prayers” for this week’s practice:
Jesus, as you have loved me, help me to love others.
God, your grace is enough for me; your grace is enough for my neighbor.
Jesus, I see you in the face of my neighbor.
God, I welcome you into this moment.
Habit Stacking — Habit-stacking is the practice of adding a new habit onto something you already do habitually (e.g. brushing your teeth, doing the dishes, or walking to work), a term we learned from James Clear, Atomic Habits. Some ideas:
As you do household chores, or as you commute to work, listen to a podcast or audiobook that features a perspective different from your own—politically, racially, culturally, etc. Make room in your head and heart for the stories, experiences, and viewpoints of others.
Welcome others into the things you are already doing. If you are running errands, see if your neighbor needs anything. If you are walking or driving to work, call a friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with. If you are taking a lunch break at work, ask a coworker to join you, especially one who is difficult for you and may be surprised by your invitation.
Print this Rune of Hospitality and post it by your sink, mirror, or desk at work. Practice seeing “Christ in the stranger’s guise” throughout your day
Micro-Practices of Prayer in Community & Mission
“Love your neighbor with your eyes.” Practice seeing every neighbor - including every stranger - as someone who belongs to you.
See Jesus in the face of your neighbor. In the spirit of Matthew 25:40 (Jesus: “as you did to one of the least of these… you did to me”), practice seeing and receiving others as a way of seeing and receiving Jesus.
Practicing hospitality involves both giving and receiving. Practice receiving hospitality by asking someone for help, advice, or prayer this week.
Is there someone you often see but have never properly met (in your neighborhood or at work, perhaps)? Next time you see them, say hello and introduce yourself.
Can you notice and meet someone’s need today? Show up with coffee for a coworker, pull a few weeds for an elderly neighbor, clean up a shared workspace… get creative!
Sources Cited
Williams, Rowan. Being Disciples: Essentials of the Christian Life (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2016), 33.
Pohl, Christine. Making Room: Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1999), 6.
Nouwen, Henri. Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life (New York: Image Books, 1975), 66.
Sign up here to receive these weekly reflections via email (sent weekly on Sunday mornings).